The Reflection of Me

I know how much all of you who read my blog are looking forward to more info on my novel, but unfortunately for you that is not what you are getting today.  Sorry to disappoint but just trust me when I say, the editing process is still moving along, though at a slower pace.  When I get done with this edit I am going to let some proof readers at it before I start the second edit... so there, now you at least have a little novel update.

The reflection of me that I see in the mirror is not a reflection on you, Mother.  There is no sense in blaming yourself for the way I turned out.  You couldn’t help the fact that I have felt the way that I have felt throughout the years.  I’m broken and scared of the way I feel but there is nothing I can do to change.  How I wish I had been able to articulate my desires and feelings to you and Dad so that maybe something would have been done to change the way things turned out.  Would you have listened?  Would you have taken me seriously?  Or would you have just hoped that I would grow out of it, saying that it was just a phase that I was going through?  I don’t know, but I do know that it is my fault for not telling you when I should have.  Due to these faults of my own, depression weighs in, burdening my soul. 

The reflection of me I see in the mirror is a reflection of how you, God, made me.  I look to you for answers yet you are silent.  I want to know why, why me?  Why did you do this to me?  Why am I so weak that I could not be honest with my parents about who I am inside?  Was there reason for me to fear their reaction the way that I did?  If so, then why couldn’t you put me with someone who would have been more approachable?  I hate you sometimes for what you have done to me and I want to make you feel the pain that I feel for what you have done to me.  I feel like the cosmic joke that exists only for your amusement and I despise you for it.  Say something damn it!  Tell me why!  I hate you so much I could cry but I won’t give you the satisfaction of seeing my tears.  It’s not my parents fault I who I am today, the fault lies with you and me. 

The reflection I see when I look in the mirror is not a reflection of me instead it is a stranger I see.