Sunday, May 19, 2013

Innocence Stolen

The night is silent…
I can hear him breathing out.
The darkness calls him…
Surrounding dangers abound.
I hear him whisper…
He’s calling out to me.
He says come closer…
And I turn to run.
I see a blade flash, as it goes past.
I hear him laughing at me.
He’s just toying now…
Predator after prey.
My heart’s beating loud…
The sound gives me away.
I’m in the shadows now…
Silently I pray.
He finds me somehow…
I turn to run, he’s having fun.
I see a blade flash, as it goes past.
I hear him laughing at me.
I start to stumble, my hands fumble.
Soon he’s on top of me.
There’s nothing I can do…
My life is through.
Blade pierces my flesh…
I gasp for breath.
He can see my pain…
He enters again.
The world fades to black…
I feel him pulling back.
I see a blade flash, as it goes past.
I hear him laughing at me.
I start to stumble, my hands fumble.
Soon he’s on top of me.
Virginal white now red, I have bleed.
Innocence stolen from me.
This is the end…
I wish my life had never begun.
Broken I lie…
Wishing that I could die.
He leaves me now…
His damage done for now.
He’ll be back again…
Though I know not when.
I see a blade flash, as it goes past.
I hear him laughing at me.
I start to stumble, my hands fumble.
Soon he’s on top of me.
Virginal white now red, I have bleed.
Innocence stolen from me.
My heart crumbles, my mind tumbles.
A shell is all that’s left of me.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Will The Last Person To Leave Please Turn Out The Sun

Hello all two (or maybe three) of my readers out there in the world of the interwebs.  Today I wanted to share with you a short story I wrote as a personal challenge to myself since I love to be long winded and write novel length material when I write fiction.  Part of the challenge was to see if I could properly convey the same message in under 2,000 words as I could in 10,000 words.  Also, this does, in a way, tie into my novel "Shadows of the Western Moon" in that it presents the reason that mankind left earth permanently thru the T.E.A.R.S. project.  Please take the time to read it and give me your feedback, I welcome it.  Also, I would like to state that this is my work and as such it is my intellectual property, please do not steal it but feel free to share it.


by M. C. Rylee

Turning on the light to the small study, Aurora Farsinger looked around the room, her eyes stopping on the computer monitor which rested on a small desk.  On the monitor there was a small icon that would flash before being followed by an insistent beeping before flashing once again.  Sighing, she walked over to the monitor and touched icon on the screen.

            Establishing connection…

            Establishing connection…

            She waited patiently for the connection to be established, hating how slow interstellar travel made any kind of connection to the net.  While she waited, she tapped her foot impatiently on the floor for a few seconds before deciding to sit in the chair that rested in front of the computer.  As she sank into the chair she wondered who it was that was trying to call her since she hadn’t bothered to check the caller ID.  Her curiosity was rewarded a couple of seconds later (establishing the connection had only taken thirteen seconds) when an elderly face of a man filled the screen.  His features were deeply carved with the ravages of time and hard work. 

            “Poppa,” Aurora said, her face visibly brightening as she saw the face of her grandfather on the screen.  “I didn’t expect a call from you.  I was expecting you to come walking into our quarters any minuet.  Where are you?  Do I need to come and get you?  Are you having trouble navigating the ship?”

            “Hello to you too young lady,” The old man said with an odd smile on his face that was almost sad.  “To answer the questions that you bombarded me with… No, I am not having trouble navigating the ship and no, I don’t need you to come get me because I am not even on your ship.”

            “What?”  A look of disbelief crossed Aurora’s face.  “Which ship are you on?  How did you manage to get on the wrong ship?  I know you aren’t so old that you would wander onto the wrong ship Poppa, you aren’t senile yet.  Did you take too long packing?  Is that what it is?  I told David that we should have helped you pack your things…” 

On the screen the old man looked as if he was trying to say something but after several minutes of listing to her continue to prattle on, he just shut his mouth and waited patiently.

“… but don’t worry Poppa, when we to Casteal we will wait for your ship to arrive so that we can help you unload and settle in before moving on to our new home.”

Aurora paused for just a second and the old man, sensing an opportunity spoke up before she could catch her breath.

“Aurora,” He said a little sharper than he intended too.  “I am not on a ship heading to Casteal.”

“You not only got on the wrong ship but you got on one that was heading to the wrong planet?”

“No child, you misunderstand me.  I should have just come right out and said it before you ever left Earth but the fact of the matter is… I am not on a ship at all.”


“I said I am not on a ship.  I am still on Earth.”

“What do you mean you’re still on Earth?  Did you not get to the port in time?”

“No child, I did not even try.”

“But we had made arrangement weeks in advance to for all of us to leave together and start a new life on Casteal considering the situation with Earth.”

“No, you and your husband decided that, I had no say in the matter.  I never wanted to leave, after all, this is where my dear sweet Lilly is and I don’t want to die on a planet far away from her.  Look around me…”

The camera shifted and the face disappeared from the screen as it panned around showing the area where the old man was at.  Everywhere the camera panned, Aurora could see gravestones jutting out of the dry dusty soil that held them.  The one closest to the old man was clearly meant to have two names etched upon it but only had one name that was carved into it on the right hand side of the stone.  The scene on the screen swung back, once again revealing the old man who had a sad look on his face.

“You see child,” The old man began.  “Here I am among many of the people that have left me behind, left me to grow old and withered, abandoned to the whims of my children who, instead of treating me like a person, treated me like a burden to be shucked off to someone else in the cheapest nursing home.

“Hush child,” he said sharply as Aurora opened her mouth to protest.  “I am not passing judgment on you, you just did what you thought was best, but you never really took my feelings into consideration.  Kind of like this migration to one of these new planets that they are supposed to have terra-formed and ready to be populated, you never asked me if I wanted to go, you just made plans for me without ever considering how I felt.”

“You should have talked with David and Me before doing a fool thing like this Poppa,” Aurora said, scolding the old man.

“Child,” the old man said sharply, “Don’t take that tone with me.  I have tried to talk to you and your husband about this repeatedly over the course of the years since your Nana died, you just never bothered to hear what I had to say.  You and David wrote me off after putting me in that home.  You figured that you could just dictate how my life without my say so because you thought you knew better than me when it came to my own life.”

The old man on the screen sighed and closed his eyes while taking a deep breath and holding it.  He sat there motionless for several minutes before opening his eyes and continuing.

“I know you were just doing what you thought was best, I do, but you never took how I felt into consideration.  I never asked to go to that Home.  I was perfectly fine in the Apartment that I had shared with your Nana before she died.  When you took that away from me, it not only felt like you were casting me aside, it felt like you were trying to strip me of all that I had left to tie me to Lilly. 

“My dear, sweet Lilly, how I miss you,” the old man said as he looked over his shoulder at the gravestone beside him.  A tear shimmered on his cheek as he turned back toward the screen.

“Child… No.  Aurora, I know that life hasn’t been easy for you, especially since your parents died and you had to come live with us.  Making that transition was not easy for anyone, Lilly and I suddenly had a child to care for again while you had to live in a stuffy antiquated apartment with your grandparents while mourning the loss of your parents.  Your Nana and I did our best to make sure you were provided for and had everything that a growing girl needed.  We struggled to make sure that you had the best life you could and over all I think we did rather well.  You grew up to be a beautiful woman who married a kind and intelligent man.  You have your own family to take care of and for some reason you thought you needed to take care of me as well even though I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

“Ever since the T.E.A.R.S. project was announced over ninety years ago to the public, I knew it was something that my children and my children’s children would benefit from.  Honestly, I never expected to see Casteal or any of the other  planets that they have prepared for the human race since I figured at the time that I would be dead long before the ships meant to take mankind to that distant planet were ready.  Now that the time has come to leave this beautiful planet that I have called home all of my life, I don’t want to leave.  I have so many fond memories here, all of my life is here, and the woman that I dedicated myself to is here.  I’m too old to go make a life on another planet and I want to die here, on the planet that I call home.  Chances are, I wouldn’t even survive the journey to Casteal anyway due to how many years that is going to take.”

“Aurora, I waited to call you like this because I knew that you needed to be well on your way to your new home before you knew where I was.  I know that you would have tried to find some way to rescue me,” he said, making air quotes as he said the word rescue.  “I couldn’t have you potentially jeopardizing your life or the lives of others over me.  I have had a full life and remaining here is my decision.  Please, you can be angry with me but don’t mourn me, I am happy and content.”

“Poppa, I am angry at you,” Aurora said, her face a mask of fury.  “How could you do this… this… this selfish act?  I can’t believe you would just abandon me like this.  You telling me that I never took how you felt into consideration, well I did.  I didn’t like having to put you in that Home, Poppa, but we did it because we couldn’t be there all the time to make sure nothing happened.  You were alone in that apartment and there was no telling what might have happened to you at your age.  You could have fallen and broken something then not been able to call for help.  We placed you in that Home for your safety and you will never know the financial sacrifices we had to make to keep you there.  We were only looking out for you.

“Now you just up and decide that you are going to stay behind on Earth after we spent the money that we earned to make sure that you have a place on one of the ships evacuating the system so that you wouldn’t die when the sun…”  Aurora’s voice trailed off as the angry dropped from her face and tears began to well up in her eyes.  She turned away from the monitor, shoulders shaking as she cried softly to herself, not wanting her grandfather to see her tears.

“Aurora, I know that this decision has hurt you and for that I truly am sorry.  I am.  If I could make it up to you I would but we both know that is impossible.  I love you and I only want the best for you, I hope that one day you will see that.”

The old man grew silent and Aurora turned back toward the monitor where the old man was now looking up at the sky.

“It’s so beau-“  He said as a brilliant flash of white filled the screen and his words were cut off.  Static followed a brief second later before switching to a black screen with the flashing message…

Connection Lost

The End

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I Don't Know

I don’t know.
I don’t know who can hear my voice.
I don’t know who would help me now.
I don’t know who would even try.
I don’t know what it will take to change it.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what could make things right.
I don’t know when it became so complicated.
I don’t know when it became so hard.
I don’t know when things will get better.
I don’t know where this path ends.
I don’t know where I’m going.
I don’t know where it began.
I don’t know why it is this way.
I don’t know why no one will listen.
I don’t know why anyone would care.
I don’t know how I can live like this.
I don’t know how life continues day to day.
I don’t know how to continue.
I don’t know.
I just don’t know.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


I hate you all.
I hate each and every one of you.
I hate YOU, Society, and the way you look at me and others like me in fear.
You force us to hide in the shadows, worried what might happen if we are found.
You reject and spit on us, tearing at our cloths.
You mock us and beat us because we don’t fit into your world view.
You torture us in your attempts to force us to conform.
I hate you for that and I hate everything that you stand for.
You think that we are a disease, afraid we might spread.
You hate us.
You make us weep tears of pain and fear.
I hate you for that.

I hate YOU, Mom and Dad.
You couldn’t accept me as I am.
You turned your back on your daughter.
You blamed yourself because she was a freak.
You didn’t show her the love and acceptance that she yearned for.
You told her that she was wrong and needed to be locked away.
You turned a blind eye when the gun was in her hand.
You looked away, not trying to understand.
You made her kill a part of herself, doing irreparable harm.
You disgust me with what you did to me.
You probably think you were doing the right thing.
But you broke my heart.
You left me in the dark with nowhere to go.
You thought that I would bring shame for being the freak that I am.
You told me to forget what had happened and never speak of it again.
I can’t forget and I won’t, it consumes me.

Most of all, I hate YOU, God.
You who put me here
You who made me like this.
You hurt me in ways I can never describe with words.
You brought me into this like some sick joke.
It’s ALL your fault, every last bit.
I loathe you.
I despise you.
You set things into motion.
You wrecked my life before it even started.
I will never forget what you did to me.
You made me broken, an unfinished product.
You cast me down into a world of pain.
You know I hate you.
But you know what the worst thing of all is?
I know you don’t care. 
You cast me aside like an afterthought.
I hate you so much.
I hate YOU.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Dance of Fire

Once a winter's night

Pari danced with warmth and light

Fey song on the wind

Monday, April 22, 2013


I will never have the look that I want.

I will never have the body that I want.

I will never be able to dress the way that I want to dress.

I will never be beautiful.

I will never be pretty.

I will never be sexy.

I will never really be the woman that I feel that I am.

I will always be ugly.

I will always be hideous.

I will always be disgusting.

I will always be trapped.

I will always hate my body.

I will always hate myself.

I will always be male.

I can do nothing to change this, not without paying a price I don’t want to pay.

I can do nothing.

I wish I were braver.

I wish I could take that final step.

I wish I could leave this pain behind.

I wish people would listen to my cries.

I wish I could cry louder in order to be heard.

I am dying inside but no one can see.

I hurt.

I ache.

I long for release.

I hate this.

I hate the jealousy I feel when I look at other women.

I hate how they can be so lucky and not know it.

I hate how I can never be like them.

I hate how cheated I feel.

I know that God doesn’t care.

I have cried out to the heaven.

I have heard the silence in response.

I don’t know what to do.

I just want it to end.

I cry in my soul.

I am tired.

I am weak.

I know this pain will never end.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Repetitious Deaths Of A Pained Soul Never End

I am killing her once again.
I should have known it would never work.
I am killing her once again.
No one understands, they grin and smirk.
I am killing her once again.
I thought I could trust the one I love to understand.
I am killing her once again.
I should have known it could not be in this land.
I am killing her once again.
I know that she will come creeping back.
I am killing her once again.
My heart will be broken, torn by a huge crack.
I am killing her once again.
This world for me is a cruel, dark place.
I am killing her once again.
This is an effort to once again hide her face.
I am killing her once again.
I am disappointed, hurt, wanting to be free.
I am killing her once again.
People just don’t understand that she is me.
I am killing myself again.