Hatred

I hate you all.
I hate each and every one of you.
I hate YOU, Society, and the way you look at me and others like me in fear.
You force us to hide in the shadows, worried what might happen if we are found.
You reject and spit on us, tearing at our cloths.
You mock us and beat us because we don’t fit into your world view.
You torture us in your attempts to force us to conform.
I hate you for that and I hate everything that you stand for.
You think that we are a disease, afraid we might spread.
You hate us.
You make us weep tears of pain and fear.
I hate you for that.

I hate YOU, Mom and Dad.
You couldn’t accept me as I am.
You turned your back on your daughter.
You blamed yourself because she was a freak.
You didn’t show her the love and acceptance that she yearned for.
You told her that she was wrong and needed to be locked away.
You turned a blind eye when the gun was in her hand.
You looked away, not trying to understand.
You made her kill a part of herself, doing irreparable harm.
You disgust me with what you did to me.
You probably think you were doing the right thing.
But you broke my heart.
You left me in the dark with nowhere to go.
You thought that I would bring shame for being the freak that I am.
You told me to forget what had happened and never speak of it again.
I can’t forget and I won’t, it consumes me.

Most of all, I hate YOU, God.
You who put me here
You who made me like this.
You hurt me in ways I can never describe with words.
You brought me into this like some sick joke.
It’s ALL your fault, every last bit.
I loathe you.
I despise you.
You set things into motion.
You wrecked my life before it even started.
I will never forget what you did to me.
You made me broken, an unfinished product.
You cast me down into a world of pain.
You know I hate you.
But you know what the worst thing of all is?
I know you don’t care. 
You cast me aside like an afterthought.
I hate you so much.
I hate YOU.

Message to God #2

Have you ever seen a sky so blue as the one we lie under right now?

I feel it calling to me, reaching out to pluck me from this earth.

Have you ever seen an ocean so clear as the one we are floating on?

I hear the depths calling my name, calling me home.

Have you ever seen a night so black as the one in my soul?

It grips my heart, clenching and squeezing, consuming it whole.

Have you ever heard a cry so sad as the one to pass from my lips?

It aches and breaks me, ripping me down to the moment of my birth.

Have you ever felt so betrayed as I do because of you?

You broke me before I ever had a chance, no choice was given.

Have you ever cursed someone as I now curse you?

You did this, you will never make it right, you just don’t understand.

How does it feel to know that I am your mistake and I hate you for it?

I hope it burns you to your very core because you deserve no less.

How do you feel when you see me, knowing I will never forgive?

I hope it hurts you in a way that you will never recover from.

Message to God #1

You said you'd lift me up.

You said you'd hold my hand.

You said you'd take my pain,

Make me understand.

You said you'd cover me.

You said you'd fill my need.

You said you'd always care,

You stand there as I bleed.

I thought you had my back,

but now I bleed from it.

I thought you loved me,

But you don't give a shit!

You fucked me over.

You set me up to fail.

You enjoy my misery,

In my personal hell.

What the fuck did I do?

Do to deserve this all?

Did you build me up,

Just to watch me fall?

I can't believe I trusted you!

You always hated me!

You made me your joke,

This truth I see!